[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Tina is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Geetika. So everyone, please put your hands together for Tina![The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Tina you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: Shailendra.[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Shailendra, is actually here tonight .[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Tina, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Jaidev!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a guns. Jaidev reaches for the chair. Out of the shadows Rahul appears]
Rahul: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Jaidev.
Jaidev: Because I saw Tina and Rahul making out at benetton!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]Rahul: That's a lie! I was home watching Friends!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Jaidev?
Jaidev: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Geetika who has recently become engaged to Rahul.[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Geetika out here because Tina had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Shailendra that's right!
Geetika: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Shailendra! You know how I feel about Shailendra!
Rahul: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Shailendra!
Geetika: Because I knew that I could never have Shailendra. But Tina promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Rahul: What about respect for my feelings![Jaidev walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Geetika]
Jaidev: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.[Again the crowd squeals]
Rahul: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Rahul runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Rahul: Tina take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married .[The crowd does its bit]
Rahul: Married?[You nod]
Rahul: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Shailendra.
Geetika: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Shailendra: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 9 times if that's what you mean.[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Tina is married to Shailendra who Geetika has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Geetika has recently become engaged to Rahul who was recently spotted kissing Tina in benetton. Now on top of this, Jaidev has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Geetika.Shailendra: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
2 comments:
hmm, so this seems to be your way of proclaiming to the world that either:
a) you're no longer a virgin OR
b) you hope you weren't.
so which is it?
Me thinks that it is pretty obvious to the virgin part and the cryptic working of this mind bothers me regarding the fact that this is not the first blog that i have read demeaning their own loved freinds.
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